Monday, January 09, 2006

Christian Exodus

Our local, weekly paper, the Independant, always carries a fun article each issue in which Kenneth Cleaver writes to various and sundry organizations and purports to be an interested party while obviously doing so very tongue-in-cheek. Then the replies from that organization are posted alongside his original letter. They are always hilarious, especially when the party involved doesn't see through the incredibly thinly veiled veneer to realize that the letter is, in fact, a joke. The latest one was especially funny and I couldn't agree more. Let's throw in Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Benny Hinn and a few others while we're at it.

August 2, 2005

Mr. Cory Burnell
Chairman & President
Christian Exodus Inc.
P.O. Box 1401
Valley Springs, CA 95252

Dear Mr. Burnell:

I recently learned of your campaign to create a Christian Homeland in South Carolina and I want to do ANYTHING I can to help.

My understanding is that you believe America has become so inhospitable to Christians that only a separate state can provide a bulwark against militant secularism and its accompanying moral freefall.

I couldn't disagree more, but who cares? What's important is what we have in common, which is this: You don't want to live in the United States as it is, and I don't want you here, either. This is something we can build on!

South Carolina is a lovely state. I've heard Charleston's colonial architecture is something to behold. However, I'm quite willing to write it off as collateral damage in the culture war. It's not like you're asking for California.

Here's what I propose: Let me fundraise to defray the costs of relocating leading Christian theocrats to South Carolina. This will enjoy popular support in liberal left and libertarian circles. The possibility of putting Dr. James Dobson, Sen. Sam Brownback and other religious extremists on a one-way bus is enough to give me the vapors.

In fact, there's a word for this sort of thing where I come from; it's called progress. Please let me know how I can help.

By the way, if you're leading this exodus, what're you still doing in California? Hello?


Kenneth Cleaver


Blogger Brandon Fibbs said...

The response can be found here:

11:22 AM  

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