Bush Has Only Two Regrets; We Provide More
The satirical political website 23/6 recently ran a story too hilarious not to share. I've cut and pasted an excerpt below. To read the whole thing, click here.
In an interview on Veterans Day, President Bush was asked to reflect on his regrets over his two terms in office. Bush said he regrets, "saying some things I shouldn't have said, like 'dead or alive' and 'bring em on.'" Bush also said he wishes he hadn't spoken in front of the "Mission Accomplished" banner to declare an end to major combat operations in Iraq in 2003.
Okay, that's two! Looks like he needs help with the others, so we threw together a brief list of some of the things Bush should probably be regretting right about now.
A Quick List Of Stuff George Bush Should Regret
(Off The Tops Of Our Heads)
1. His existence
2. His decision to go into politics
3. Not learning how to better run oil companies so he wouldn't have to go into politics
4. His decision to run for president
5. His decision to run for a second term as president
6. Every word spoken into a microphone since January 20th, 2001
7. That time in 2001 when he shouted at Dick Cheney, "You know what, screw it. You run the country if you're so smart!"
8. Ignoring the way Alberto Gonzales was always saying, "Geneva Convention, Schmeneva Schmonvention!"
9. Those times when he let Donald Rumsfeld make decisions.
10. Revealing the identity of a covert CIA operative. Not cool!
11. That time when he said "Osama, Saddam. What's the damn difference?"
12. Letting the country fall into economic ruin.
13. That "wait for this to blow over" position on Katrina.
14. Not learning how to keep from smirking while addressing the nation about certain issues, such as Katrina.
15. Not giving more people hilarious nicknames, like "Turd Blossom."
16. That "Iraq" kerfluffle.
17. Not giving more speeches in front of banners that read, "Danger: Under Construction" or "Not Finished" or "This Mission is going to take at least six or seven years, if we're lucky!"
18. Saying, "All right Harriet, you've talked me into it."
19. Betting Cheney $1,000 they'd lose in 2004
20. Thinking, what the heck, it's just a pretzel
21. Not taking it as a bad sign that Karl Rove has a forked tongue
22. Responding to a report titled "Osama Bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside The United States" by repeating the title in a mocking, high-pitched voice that made Cheney laugh real hard.
23. Not saying, "Brownie, we should sit down for a performance review in the next week or so."
24. Those twenty or twenty-five times when he should have offered his resignation but decided to "wait it out."
25. Not doing more to avoid the inevitable indictments sure to come next February once they start finding out about "the real bad stuff."